Blurred Signals (Blue Bolt Farm Book 2)
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Need to clean the gutters on the house. You guessed it, excavator. The Nobel Peace Prize organization has tried to give him an award for agricultural innovation in third world countries, but he has declined it, twice. He said humanitarianism is the reward. You know when China buys soybeans from the US - who do you think handles this side of the transaction? He has an explosives license, which allows him to purchase and use dynamite.
He claims it is for removing trees and rocks, but the neighbors say his annual 4th of July party is not to be missed. If you were to walk a mile in his shoes, never mind, that's not going to happen. The automotive sport of drifting is generally practiced using powerful rear-wheel-drive cars, although it is possible to drift many other types of vehicles. For example, it is possible to drift a 30, pound combine.
I've seen it done. You read that right, in an IRA. The third business he started was making and selling scented candles Have you ever overheated the shanks on a deep ripper by driving too fast in the field? The friction generated during tillage is amazing. His autobiography ends with the line: "The cow did not survive the explosion. When he feeds out a pig that he is going to butcher himself, he will supplement the pig's diet with BBQ sauce and hickory saw-dust.
That is part of the secret to his famous BBQ pulled pork; the flavor goes all the way through. Mexican drug lords will not go anywhere near his ranch in south Texas. He doesn't go to Washington DC often, but when he does, it is a direct flight on a chartered airplane, and usually just for the day. One time in college, prior to a class starting, he was using the white board to explain something to a few fellow students. The teacher came in to the classroom during the lesson, and without saying a word, took a seat with the other students.
Class started a little late that day. When he goes deer hunting, he doesn't take a gun, he takes a saddle. He catches the deer by hand, to give it a sporting chance.
Then he puts the saddle on and rides it home. It has been said that a Halloween hay-rack ride at his farm is more fun than licking honey off of Katy Perry He is no longer allowed at the 'Running of the Bulls' in Spain. The only time he ever attended, when the race was done, they were all steers. He doesn't often bale idiot-cubes, but when he does, he stacks them 8 high to save time.
He has won trophies for his ability to set a combine. In every test, his grain loss has been zero. He once calculated the square root of Pi in his head using roman numerals, just to be certain that it can be done. When he is busy in the field, he sticks to simple meals that can be easily eaten on-the-go such as soup, BBQ ribs, fresh lobster, and buffalo wings. Some say he has an IQ of , but that it doesn't show up in conversation because his mind is constantly calculating optimum nitrogen rates per square foot, based on statistical probabilities of rain and sun during the next growing season.
You know those pictures where the US president and other top officials are sitting around a table for some important meeting? Ever seen a guy with Wranglers at one of those meetings? No, you haven't. The media isn't allowed into those meetings. His tractor driving skills are so incredible that if you tried to record it with a video camera, the camera would overheat. His resourcefulness was the inspiration for the TV show 'MacGyver'. He can start a fire with nothing more than toothpaste and rice. For Halloween he dresses like Jonathan Goldsmith. He doesn't store corn on the cab roof of his combine.
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His dog has caught multiple raccoons, while chained up. He once won a game of Texas Hold'em with a 2 and a 7. However, the pot was small, just 17 head of cattle. After he eats a meal in the field, he uses a foxtail stem as a toothpick. He has never had a cavity in his adult teeth.
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His work truck has a PTO and four hydraulic remotes. He built a grain vac that can move 20, bushels per hour. His neighbors call it the 'Nickelback'. He is allowed to talk about fight club, although he rarely does. He prefers to talk about things such as the effects of rising socioeconomic status on energy consumption in third world countries, multi-parallelism in embedded systems, and string theory.
When his combine stops working correctly, he reboots it, and then it works fine again. He keeps a picture of his QuadTrac He is the reason that beef is what's for dinner. His pocket knife is the envy of solders around the world. His belt buckle, the envy of rodeo champions. If he submitted a resume for a graphics design position, printed in Comic Sans, he would still get the job. When he sees someone driving a car with low profile tires, he laughs.
They usually say something about improved handling, which is when he shows them a picture of his J. Case tractor with rubber coated steel wheels. Then he shows them a picture of his Formula One car, and then asks them which one they think handles better. Of all the commodities he deals with, the most valuable is his time.
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It is the only one that, once spent, he cannot get back. Ladies say that he gives hot, fiery kisses that satisfy, yet leaves them wanting more. They also say that on a moon-lit night, he is the very definition of the word 'suave'.
If he were in a James Bond film, the name of his character would be Mr. When he grills a steak, it doesn't need steak sauce. If you attempted to pour steak sauce on one of his steaks, you'd be bluntly asked to leave. He buys Dodge Ram pickup trucks because of the , mile warranty. His current truck has just over 74, miles on it. It's 13 months old. He shuts the combine off at PM. After that he loads a truck with dry corn and drives 3 hours to the river terminal. He dumps the corn and parks in line to load dry fertilizer. By now it is 2 AM.
He sets his alarm clock for AM since the fertilizer place starts loading trucks at By he's loaded and back on the road. At AM he's home, dumps the fertilizer, and crawls back into the combine. For him, this is just another day. In his world, there are no weekdays.
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There are no weekends. There are only rainy days and sunny days. Except for Tuesdays, which is when he has a weekly conference call with the DOD strategists.
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His Christmas tree is lit exclusively with Xenon lights. It will cast a shadow at 1 mile. In his mailbox is a large electromagnet, some capacitors, and some custom sound processing boards. When activated, the system listens for excessive bass levels and will blast a short magnetic pulse at the offending vehicle as it drives by. The resulting magnetic field produces a voltage spike in the car's radio, which makes the audio stop playing. He likes peace and quiet at night. When he goes Christmas shopping, it's one trip to Theisens.
According to him, "If Theisens ain't got it, you don't need it". He can swap out the rotor gearbox on a in under an hour, but that's a snails pace compared to doing an emergency sled rebuild for Santa while on the Christmas run. Also, this year he noticed that Dasher is preggo and asked Santa who the bull was. Santa didn't know she was carrying and neither did Dasher. That was an awkward moment.